Nine practices that seem to work (so far)
‘All I know for sure is that I know nothing’*1. Some of my biggest mistakes have come from too much reliance on what I think I know. Staying humble, avoiding habit and treating each experience as unique rather than a repetition of a familiar pattern is important to me.
Focus. Goals, Objectives, Plans, Targets. There was a time when I thought I was above simple tools to help me achieve but winging it became the habit that proved me wrong. Getting things done requires the focus that only a milepost can give me.
Cultivate the ‘gap between the stimulus and the response’*2. If a task-list is necessary but addictive, taking time to step beyond the pressure to do and into the requirement to think stops the task becoming the aim. Meditation teaches me how unruly, instinctive and impatient my thoughts are and equips me to weigh them before I give them my trust.
Discipline. Many things that work for me require hard work from me. Skipping the run or the reading is always tempting and never helpful. Finding people to give me the advice I don’t want to hear is painful and necessary.
‘Strong opinions, lightly held’ *3. None of my plans will survive unchanged in the world and trying harder is not always the answer. The good thing about focus is that it keeps me going when I meet obstacles; the difficulty with focus is that it hides the fact that some obstacles are insurmountable reminders that I can’t see the future when I write my plans. Learning to flex rather than break is a challenge I’m learning to handle.
Write it down. The silken flow of words on a page draws me into reflection. Choosing the right words slows me down, helps me learn about myself and teaches me what I really mean by what I think and say.
‘Read a lot; forget most of it’*4. Learning is contextual. Reading the same book today that I read five years ago isn’t defeat or repetition, it’s borrowing someone else’s wisdom to apply to this new circumstance. Reading the news is a duty to my community; reading different sources lends context to views that are different to mine.
Everyone is going through something of their own *5. I am the only person with access to my thoughts and fears; you are the only person with access to yours. We owe it to each other to help as much as we can because neither of us have the insight to understand ourselves sufficiently or the courage to express our feelings honestly all the time.
Paradoxical intention. Learning about my happiness may be teaching me that the things I want most are best achieved as the beneficial by-products of what I do, rather than aims in themselves. I’m bad at knowing what will make me happy and don’t know how to set a goal to achieve it; I’m getting better at enjoying happiness when it comes my way.
*1 Plato, quoting Socrates, 2004 ‘The Trial of Socrates’, London, Routledge
*2 Viktor Frankl , 2013 ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, London, Ebury
*3 Bob Sutton, 2010 ‘Good Boss, Bad Boss’, London, Hachette
*4 Michel de Montaigne, 2003 ‘The Complete Essays’, London, Penguin
*5 James Flaherty, 2014 ‘Coaching. Evoking Excellence in Others’ Oxford, Taylor & Francis
Photo Credit: The Guardian Peter Byrne/PA